it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
