worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
