I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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