Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
