I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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