I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
