I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
