Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
