dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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