before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
