just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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