Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
