I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
