How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Randomize
