i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
