Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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