Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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