last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Randomize
