Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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