i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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