I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
