If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize