she woke up with a sticky ear
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
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Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
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hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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