his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
