you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
