I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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