We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
