There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize