Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
