i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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