I just threw up on my dentist
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
