I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I checked into jail on foursquare
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
