Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
