Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
