My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
