Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
