Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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