he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
