Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
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Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
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Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
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