im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I skipped work to stalk him.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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