I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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