she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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