the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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