Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
