Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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