I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
