i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
