you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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