I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
