Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
soo... how was my night?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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