Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
This toilet bowl is my home.
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