Yo dont text me then not text me
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
