Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
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He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
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Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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