I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
