My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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