It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
