Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
