You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
