I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
