you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
