Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
