jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
