Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize