you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
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In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
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Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
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