If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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