Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
