May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize