Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
