I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I need moral support for this bender
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
