sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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