EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
