can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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