we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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